14 November 2010 2

I'm the girl who handcuffs her heart to anyone that gives her attention.

I'm the girl who would rather be hurt than deal with not being loved.

I'm the girl who will let you walk all over her and still be happy in the end.

I'm the girl who will let you rape her, emotionally or physically, and keep coming back.

I'm the girl who would give her life for you.

I'm the girl you shattered and mended in the shape of what you wanted.

I'm the girl whose heart is always on the line.

I'm the girl who can't say no.

I'm the girl who needs to know what it's like to be truly loved.

I'm the girl who needs to know what it's like to be protected and cared after.

I'm the girl who needs you. Who needs her prince charming with the magic key that will keep her locked in your heart and safe form the outside world because it's better to be oblivious than unloved.

14 November 2010

you know what i've always wondered? how your "sex therapy" went. it's called teenage hormones. maybe if your family actually told you about shit in this world you wouldn't be so fucked up and wouldn't have to lie about other people to justify your own stupidity.

7 November 2010

Against my better judgment I looked you up on facebook. It's amazing to know that you got where you are by lying and throwing your one true friend under a bus. You didn't need "sex rehab" you needed self-esteem counseling and to get away from your family. Maybe instead of being a coward and lying to your sister to get her to dig you out of your hole, you should've come to me and talked to me about what I needed to change. But no, that would require you to have a spine, and that would require you to tell the truth. I wish your family did look up all of our conversations, just to see how much you do lie and how much of a horrible person you are. Everything's an act to you. You have to be the star of the play, no matter what the role.

I hope you have fun in Hell.

7 October 2010

I'm writing this for one person because I'm sick of said person taking everything that happens in pop culture and relating it to their own experience just to have another chance to get on their little soap box and whine and complain and be self righteous without actually doing anything to change things. You think I live a sheltered life? If this is so sheltered and so much better than what you think you've gone through then so be it. I watched my mother die when I was three years old, I held her hand when she took her last breath. I watched as the paramedics tried to revive her and failed. I was on the phone with my grandfather when he took his last breath. My aunt's alcoholic husband sexually abused and verbally abused me and when I finally had the guts to confess to my family my grandmother had the audacity to put me in a mental hospital under a governmental hold. I watched my grandfather have seizures which caused me to have flashbacks to my mother dying which lead me to attempt suicide. I spent seven years of my life cutting and going in and out of therapy because I couldn't escape what I saw. I've spent my entire life keeping things to myself because my dad claims I'm overdramatic unless he's there to actually witness how abusive my mother's family is. I've been in two car accidents where my aunt managed to kill someone because of her driving skills and I had no choice but to sit there. But unlike you, I grew metaphorical balls as soon as I turned 18 and did something about it instead of just preaching about how fucking much I've been hurt, I went out and changed my life and deserted the people who hurt me so that I could make sure I wouldn't be hurt again. Instead of being like you who complains about being hurt, lets them continuously hurt you, and then justifies their actions when someone tries to bring it to your attention. You really are ignorant. The whole reason you're so miserable now is because instead of actually taking hold of the situation you just let it walk right over you and blamed the results on other people.

6 October 2010

I don't know what to do. All my mind wants to focus on is Sunday. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. I can't escape it. No matter how far I try to run, it'll haunt me. I have to deal with this for the rest of my life. I'm supposed to be an adult, I'm supposed to be self-sufficient. But I can't do this. I can't imagine being alone on Sunday. Being alone with just my thoughts, locked inside my own head. I'm terrified. I have no idea what's going to happen, I have no idea what I'm going to do. I'll be lucky if I manage to make it out of bed. I just need someone to dig me out of this hole. This is the hardest day of the year and I have nobody to distract me from it. Please, will someone please, save me from myself.